Black & White♥;

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
-

'Akshaya, are you okay?'
'Yea.'
'Akshaya, why are you so stoned today?'
'I don't know.'
'Akshaya, what's wrong with you today?'
'I don't know.'

I really don't know but today was jus emo day for me. I really wanna be happy and smile and be the usual me and not sulk or put up a grouchy face or stone into blank space absentmindedly. But inevitably, thats exactly what I ended up doing. Is it cause I didn't have enough sleep? I really don't know. Sometimes I guess emotions are unexplainable..you jus feel a certain way and you jus can't explain why you feel that way. You jus feel shitty..you think about all the cons in your life..you become unhappy..you feel like crying..like crying out loud..Why am I not good enough? Why does my life such so much? Such pessimistic questions start to surface in your mind. Unable to find answers for such questions, you jus start to think about whatever that lacks in your life. Result=emoness. I guess thats what happened to me today. I really don't know why I started to feel this way. It jus sucks. I wanna be happy. I wanna smile. And sometimes, when my mind is plagued by such pessimism, I start to wonder what is the point in being happy. I know thats stupid, but thats the way my stupid brain thinks sometimes. Today was supposed to be a half day off. I should've been able to go home and sleep and catch up on unfinished homework and lessons. But anyway, I had CCA..nothing to complain about this since AYLI is next week. So obviously I have to anticipate such long hours of Theatre this week and next week. It's inevitable. Anyway, I spent close to 8 hours costuming at the Black Studio. Thank God it wasn't like those Odyssey days when we had to sit outside the Blacks during sessions. But I guess everyone felt pretty drained out today. Probably still 'hungover' from Funorama..and all the hard work that we had to put in to ensure the success of our class and CCA stalls. But I guess music from my i-pod wasn't sufficient this time round to change my mood and drive me on to continue sewing and complete all the pending skirts and dresses. I guess I managed to finish Afi's and Mivio's costumes today..but Afi's has to be redone ):

I don't know what I wanna do. Or what I feel like doing. I jus hate this. I am unable to define what 'this' is..but smthg in my life is jus wrong. I don't know if I am searching for smthg that isn't there..or yearning for smthg. UGGHHH. It is jus really frustrating..and I hate staring into blank spaces with random thoughts filling my brain..thoughts that don't exactly make sense when I put them together. Why am I thinking of such things now when I am supposed to be concentrating on a lot more important things? PRIORITISE, AKSHAYA!
Wake up Akshaya! Stop sulking and get back to work!

ugghh.
Arsenal vs Barca on Thursday morning.
Arsenal, please win and give me smthg to smile about.
Victoria Concordia Crescit,

I love Nirvana.

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

With the lights out, it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us

A mulatto, an albino
A mosquito, my libido